Life In A Bubble: Loneliness

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So this is my first post in almost 2 years. And to be quite honest, it will probably be my last. I don’t really have a lot to offer people anymore.

Down to the subject in question. All my life I have felt inside a bubble. It is as if I am watching the world through a TV screen. I don’t enjoy life and I don’t despise it at the same time. I just don’t have any emotions to draw me into it. Most people have family and friends that they connect with so much, that the world means a lot more to them. I have none of that. Even in the brief moments that I should have felt included in other people’s lives, I never really felt it. I was still stuck behind a glass bubble that I have been trapped in my whole life. It is like playing a video game. Interacting with people, but feeling no connection to them. Because everybody I have ever met interacts with me for a short time, then they go back to their lives that actually has meaning to them. It feels like I never existed.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my friends and family to bits, but I don’t feel connected to them. I have nothing in common with anybody I have ever met.

Whilst everybody else is busy living and planning every step of their lives, I feel like I am waiting for my life to end. I don’t want it to end. So don’t start getting all worried about me. I have depression, but I would never top myself. I just am sat here waiting. That is all I feel like I am doing. And it doesn’t matter what anybody does or says, I will forever be in this state. I will forever smile just because I have to. I never feel the true reason to actually smile for my sake.

But please don’t think I am seeking attention or sympathy. I am not. I just needed to write this down. So please after reading this, leave and move on. Enjoy your life as much as you can. Because that is all I ever want all of you to do. Never worry about me or others that become a burden. I will be fine. Once all this life is over, I will be fine.

Goodbye blog. And may whatever the future holds for me just ease my pain a little bit. Maybe give me a reason to feel my first ever real moment of joy, no matter how unlikely that is.

Tom Challis

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The Escape Cut Short

I thought I could escape,
This trapped world I was living in,
The dreamscape I was experiencing.

I thought I was free,
From the prison I was born in,
I could see, I thought I could win

I woke up to the familiar place?
The bubble I was stuck in,
The endless maze.

There is no way out,
of this curse set upon me,
I can not escape,
I can not be set free.

~ A poem by Tom Challis

Sexist Language – My Thoughts

Why is it OK to call someone a ‘Dick’, but not Okay to call someone a ‘Cunt’? This isn’t an uneducated attempt to attack Women. Of course I think insulting someone with the name of a Woman’s genitals is disgusting, but so is doing the same with the name of a man’s genitals.

While I am writing this, I am aware that Women used to be highly underprivileged in comparison to men. I am not attempting to sweep that part of human history under the carpet. It was a terrible part of our history. In some things they still are, but not as much as over Feminist bigots claim. I however do not carry the same ideas that Men are Superior to women. I will even go as far as calling my self Feminist in some situations. Both genders are equal. Of course men are better at some things than women, and women are better at other things than men. Pretending this is not the case is just stupid.

This is not meant to be a controversial blog post, but it is supposed to question our moral values. Why don’t we just insult people with truthful insults such as Liar, Idiot, and Waste of Space? of course that is unrealistic. It will never be considered when someone is truly angry at someone else. So what is the problem with using any insult? It all comes down to what we value individually. I am against any form of insult that critisises somebody’s Gender, Sexuality, Race or Culture. So I will not use such words. But whether other people do, is not my problem. Of course if somebody else is offended by such words, I will speak up. But attacking a man for calling a woman a Cunt after she calls him a Dick is stupid and pointless.

I know that men are more likely to be biased by somebodies gender, sexuality when it comes to attacking Homosexuals and Transgender/Transsexuals. And I will always call somebody up on their biases towards such people, if they speak their mind in such a way that upsets somebody.

You may and probably do think that this article is ridiculous, uneducated and sexist. But I disagree. I think it just points out a problem in today’s society.

I do apologise for expressing such sexist words towards both women and men while writing this article.

It’s Been A While…Positive Changes

Hello guys and gals. I don’t write to this blog regularly anymore. But I thought I would just pop in to give you an update on my life. And you will be happy to hear, that my life seems to be on the up.

I am now back on the medication. I have been back on it for several months now. For the first time ever, the drugs are working. I don’t often have that black cloud hovering over me now. Of course, I still have the odd days, but nothing will remove my depression for good. All in all though, I am very happy with the progress I have made. The only downside is that I tend to spend a lot more of my time alone; locked up in my bedroom. I watch a lot of movies, listen to a lot of radio and occasionally play games. I don’t really do anything productive in my free time, but I escape my problems by doing things I enjoy.

A few months ago, I decided to make the brave decision to bring back my online talk radio station, DSTT Radio. I have pondered about it for a while. It is good to have something positive and productive to focus on while I am in a happy place in my mind most of the time.

I have been having a lot of trouble with my back though, and this gets me down sometimes. I sleep a lot more on weekends and on my days off because of this. But at least I get the chance to catch up on sleep.

That is all I have to say really. I hope to start writing at least one blog post a month, so until next month…

GOODBYE FOR NOW!

The Painful Sympathy

You shout me down,
Tell  me to get back up,
I’m like, “Shut up, motherfucker”,
You don’t know this fuckin’ hate.
The hate that you caused with your vicious flame,
Destryoying everything in your mother fuckin’ wake.
I’m like, “fuck off, for fuck sake.”
Can’t you see the pain that you caused,
You did it without remorse,
As you destroyed ’em,
As you made ’em,
want to leave you and this fuckin’ world behind.

Over the course of your short, uneducated life, you tore up your past, while making up stories in your own fuckin’ mind.
You tore them apart and dragged me down too,
Even though you made the bullshit excuse, that you never meant to.

It’s funny how what you said now makes sense,
It’s far too late to forgive them.
That’s what I now say about you,
As you pretend to re-build your picture perfect life,
Basing it all on a lie.
I’m so angry, I can’t even cry no more,
Can’t even hurt no more,
Can’t even wish myself out of this fuckin’  existence any more.

So as you gather round and enjoy the weep of me, as I I get no fucking sleep in me,
Just remember how much you’re adored,
Someone out there still loves you more,
More than you’ll ever know,
More than they will ever get the chance to show.

And on the final day,
As we stand in the guilty parade,
That remorse and guilt will fill your veins,
And you know what?
What a fucking shame!

By Tommy G

Today Of All Days – LGBT Special

I am proud of who I am. I do not need to wear rainbow colours to show this. I do however respect Pride as an identity. And those that embrace the Pride events are doing what they feel is best for them. I however see the event as a hijacking of business minds; a way to make money out of sexuality.

I am not saying that Pride Festivals are wrong. They are a vital part of human history. They are there to show how much torture, struggle and pain that our ancestors, family, friends and even ourselves have gone through just to be accepted for who we are, and to live a lie no more.

I am lucky to be in a privaliged situation. I have never suffered any physical abuse because of my sexuality, and my family, friends and community could not be anymore supportive. But some are not so lucky. Some people of different sexuality have been through unimaginable torture, and I hate to say this, but some have been unlucky enough to come through the other side with such unbearable memories. I salute every single one of them. If I didn’t have my friends and family around me, I would refuse to keep on living. So, anybody that has managed to turn their lives around after being rejected by every single person they once loved, have my highest respect and love.

So I will not go around wearing rainbow flags, but I will hold a special place in my heart for all my LGBT friends and allies. We are not better than anybody else, and I for one do not pretend to be so. All I ask for today, is the continued and ever increasing respect for people of all religions, all faiths, and all sexuality.

Purple Rain | Recipe

Ever wondered how to make your own Purple Rain cocktail?

Well here is the recipe. Nice and easy.

http://sourz.co.uk/cocktail/purple-rain