Waiting For The End

I see a happy couple,

I wish I had had that.

I see a friend going on holiday,

I wish I had that.

I see a friend’s baby,

In another life, I should have had that.

I see a new home for my friends,

I want that.

I see a train approaching,

I wish I have stepped off the platform.

I walk by a busy road,

I should have ran out.

I walk across a bridge,

I should have jumped.

I am dying,

Not of a physical disease,

But of a mental state of loneliness.

I want to be happy,

But I can’t,

When all my future has to offer is a world on my own,

Eating out of a tin of baked beans.

I don’t want this life anymore,

But I am too scared to end it.

One day it will do it for me.

I will never grow old.